As promised in the last blog, I will now rank the 15
nominees for the Class of 2013 by my personal tastes. I do this for a couple reasons: one, I do it
to show that when I rank artists by objective merits, I really am trying to be
objective (last year, I ranked the Red Hot Chili Peppers most objectively
deserving and worst to my ears); two, if I got a ballot where my vote was one
vote and not one minute fraction of a vote, I’d like to think that my choices
wouldn’t simply be one scale or another, but a combination of factors; three,
in some ways, I have a sick predisposition for ranking, but I suspect I’m not
alone in this regard either. Since there
wouldn’t be much here if it was just my tastes, I’m also going to add in the
ranks of the previous blog and see which sets of top five averages would be the
most accurate representation of how I would likely vote. Since my fiancé doesn’t feel she’s familiar
enough with a majority of the nominees, she declined to rank them by personal
taste. So when you see “taste” below,
it’s mine. Feel free to comment with
your personal tastes on this ballot, as well as any other thoughts you may
have.
1. Joan Jett And The Blackhearts: Who doesn’t love
good time rock ‘n’ roll? And honestly,
this is why they stand a chance of induction any given year now, now that
they’ve been nominated twice. I gave
them lowest merits, while the fiancé had them at seven.
Average of both merits: 11
Average of hers and taste: 4Average of all me: 7.5
Average of all three: 7.67
2. Albert King: I’m not a major blues aficionado, but
there’s something about the way Albert plays the blues for me like he promised
that just sounds so good. My merits
placed him smack dab in the middle at eight, while she gave him a lowly
thirteen.
Average of both merits: 10.5
Average of hers and taste: 7.5Average of all me: 5
Average of all three: 7.67
3. Public Enemy: Masterful production. While I’m not a huge fan of rap altogether,
their style just works for me, whether it’s “Welcome To The Terrordome”, “Fight
The Power”, “911 Is A Joke”, or the more mellow “He Got Game” with Stephen
Stills. Top merits from me and six from
the missus-to-be.
Average of both merits: 3.5
Average of hers and taste: 4.5Average of all me: 2
Average of all three: 3.33
4. Deep Purple: The hooky riff from “Smoke On The
Water” is powerful indeed, but let’s not forget “Hush” and “Woman From Tokyo”,
or any other that you’re yelling at me via your computer screen for
omitting. Rank of two from both parties
of the engaged couple makes them shoo-ins to be voted for no matter which set
of averages used.
Average of both merits: 2
Average of hers and taste: 3Average of all me: 3
Average of all three: 2.67
5. The Marvelettes: As I said on the Future Rock
Legends forum, I’m ecstatic about the Marvelettes finally getting the
nomination, but I also said that I’m not even that huge of fans of theirs,
really. Knowing that, seeing them fifth
on this list should give you understanding why this ballot didn’t really thrill
me too greatly, despite elating many others, who’d likely vote all hard rock
and prog.. Still, I enjoy their ‘60s
style. The fiancé felt they were most
deserving, while I put them seventh.
Average of both merits: 4
Average of hers and taste: 3Average of all me: 6
Average of all three: 4.33
6. The Meters: I guess when you get down to it, the
sound of New Orleans is hit or miss for me.
Don’t care for Dr. John or Buckwheat Zydeco, but I love Fats Domino, and
also get a kick out of the Meters, as well as a number of Neville Brothers songs. Eleven and twelve from the merit ranks:
Average of both merits: 11.5
Average of hers and taste: 9Average of all me: 8.5
Average of all three: 9.67
7. Randy Newman: I don’t feel fully or even
adequately researched on his stuff, but what I do know is why some do consider
him a credit to the singer/songwriter trend of the ‘70s. But merit-wise, he sank like a rock, coming
in fourteen and fifteen for me and my gal, respectively.
Average of both merits: 14.5
Average of hers and taste: 11Average of all me: 10.5
Average of all three: 12
8. Heart: As I said last year, the voices of the
Wilson sisters just don’t do it for me.
Their guitar work is great, but when the vocals lay in, I’m not too
thrilled. A few songs I do love
though. The fiancé likes them, and she
ranked them four, while I went ten.
Average of both merits: 7
Average of hers and taste: 6Average of all me: 9
Average of all three: 7.33
9. Donna Summer: Again, it should tell you why this
ballot leaves me lukewarm, considering Donna Summer has jumped up five places
in taste (last year, she was fourteenth out of fifteen) when my feelings about
her music haven’t changed. I placed her
fifth, third from my fiancé.
Average of both merits: 4
Average of hers and taste: 6Average of all me: 7
Average of all three: 5.67
10. Chic: Their rhythms are infectious, and I do like
“Good Times”, but some of the lyrics just make the songs less than enjoyable,
particularly the “yowzah, yowzah, yowzah” on “Dance, Dance, Dance (Yowzah,
Yowzah, Yowzah)”. I mean, why? Rank of nine from the soon-to-be-married
couple.
Average of both merits: 9
Average of hers and taste: 9.5Average of all me: 9.5
Average of all three: 9.33
11. The Paul Butterfield Blues Band: Another act I
want to spend more time getting to know better, but as much as I love
blues-rock, there’s kind of a reason why the first go at something is often
referred to as the “rough draft”. The
harmonica playing is a bit caustic at times, but the rhythms are steady, and
Butterfield is an exciting front man. I
put them at lucky thirteen, while the fiancé went one step below that.
Average of both merits: 13.5
Average of hers and taste: 12.5Average of all me: 12
Average of all three: 12.67
12. N.W.A.
You’re probably asking yourself, how could they be so distant on the
taste list from Public Enemy when they’re both rap? A good part of the answer is the same reason
they got higher credentials in innovation: the lyrics. It’s not that I find it all that offensive,
just that it gets to be monotonous.
After a continuous string of obscenity that became obvious awhile ago
wasn’t really for any other reason than its own sake, it just got to be
boring. It’s ennui, and it’s the exact
reason why “Express Yourself” is my favorite track off Straight Outta
Compton. Three from me, and my
betrothed ranked them fifth.
Average of both merits: 4
Average of hers and taste: 8.5
Average of all me: 7.5
Average of all three: 6.67
13. Kraftwerk: And here’s where the rockists and
Europeans get pissed at me. If there’s
anything you’ve noticed about me, it’s that the voice is the most important
instrument to me. Many of the artists I
don’t care for, it’s because of their singing voices. In the case of Kraftwerk, some of the
instrumentation doesn’t strike a chord with me either, but the emotionless
singing really turns me off. It’s the
same reason I don’t like Joy Division or New Order, or for that matter the
Thompson Twins, and especially not Cake.
I ranked them at four; she slotted them at eleven.
Average of both merits: 7.5
Average of hers and taste: 12Average of all me: 8.5
Average of all three: 9.33
14. Procol Harum:
“Conquistador” is actually an exciting song, and I do like “A Whiter
Shade Of Pale”, but only because I’ve listened to it enough times that I can
make it all the way through. Listening
to Procol Harum’s other work… well, it just bores me. I get it: it’s experimental and that’s why
it’s hailed so exultantly. But I need to
down a 5-Hour Energy shot before listening to them in larger doses. The woman in my life placed them at ten, I
put them at twelve.
Average of both merits: 11
Average of hers and taste: 12Average of all me: 13
Average of all three: 12
15. Rush: And
here’s where I piss off the rockists and the entire nation of Canada. I’m sorry, but it all comes down to the voice
again. Geddy Lee’s piercing vocals just
hurt. He kind of reminds me of Pinky
from Animaniacs (and the spinoff Pinky And The Brain). Seriously, I’d love for Rob Paulsen to do an
entire album of Rush covers using the Pinky voice. “Fly by night, NARF!” I gave them a six, she gave them an eight.
Average of both merits: 7
Average of hers and taste: 11.5Average of all me: 10.5
Average of all three: 9.67
With all those ranks and averages now in place, we can now
draw some composite sketch of how my official ballot might look.
So the five highest average ranks of both merits only:
Deep Purple
Public EnemyThe Marvelettes
N.W.A.
Donna Summer
Five highest averages of her ranks and my personal taste:
Deep Purple
The MarvelettesJoan Jett And The Blackhearts
Public Enemy
tie between Heart and Donna Summer
Five highest averages of my ranks and tastes, excluding the
fiancé’s input:
Public Enemy
Deep PurpleAlbert King
The Marvelettes
Donna Summer
Five highest averages of all three metrics taken into
account:
Deep Purple
Public Enemy The Marvelettes
Donna Summer
N.W.A.
As is evident, there is a strong consistency among the
averages’ lists. Deep Purple, the
Marvelettes, and Public Enemy are solidly on all four, while Donna Summer makes
three of the four, and the fourth in a tie for the fifth slot, so she’d
probably win the tie-breaker against Heart.
The fifth spot shows two counts of N.W.A. making the cut, one of Albert
King, and one of Joan Jett And The Blackhearts.
Even though they didn’t make the cut on any averages’ list, I’m tempted
to say the fifth slot might still go to Kraftwerk since I ranked them at number
four in merits, and to give the ballot a little more balance. But for the sake of this entry, it’s going to
go by the numbers, and my vote would probably go for Deep Purple, the
Marvelettes, N.W.A., Public Enemy, and Donna Summer. That’d make a good class for sure. Not that that’s how it’ll turn out though.
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